I must be bored, I only posted the last entry like 30 minutes ago and here I am starting a new one. The funny thing is, I don't really have anything exciting to report. I'm a little afraid that my online dating well is running dry, things are painfully slow, tonight. I've got to get out my divining rod and tap into a new reservoir. Do you think I've met everybody there is to meet and now I'm doomed to be lonely forever. Where the heck is WVa. Scott? Isn't he back from his trip, yet? There is that one guy who sent me the e-mail with "Nice Tits" in the subject line. I was flattered, (naturally) but also a little taken aback by his brazenness. And yet, ever hopeful that this skilled lady's man could be "the one" I opened his note and was brokenhearted to read, "Four kids? You've gotta be kidding, no one is gonna contact you!" What?! But I thought he liked my tits?
I am constantly amazed by people on these sites. If it's not their unbelievable profile pictures then it's the weak words with which they try to woo you. (How was that for little alliteration?) I often come across usernames which make me smile like: Wood4You (could I really be so lucky?) or bedrmeyez (three separate pictures left no doubt that his eyes really were crossed) ydoilooksosexy (I'm like, did someone TELL you that you looked sexy?) theXSpurt, eh hemmm, fowlplay (he was from the country), samboner (need I say more?), and notatroll (that, my friend, is strictly a matter of opinion!) just to name a few.
One of my all-time favorites is a guy who had me on his Favorites list for awhile (Yea!) His user name was "BingoCaller" and in his introduction he said, "I'm a single guy who plays with his balls! All 75 of them, I call bingo at a local organization" Ok, that alone was enough to make me say, hmmmm. But it was his photo that painted the real picture. It was a close-up head shot, taken from the unflattering vantage point of a little below his face and at an angle, effectively emphasizing at least two of his prominent chins. It appeared that he was wearing an orange, prison issue jumpsuit and with the bingo-calling mic. in front of his face, you almost had the feeling that the shot was taken in the midst of a press conference during which he answered questions regarding his recent admission to being America's most recently nabbed serial killer. His beady eyes were obscured by thick glasses and there was a glare which made him look slightly cross-eyed, YUCK! It was nothing short of CREEPY. I think that he was even from a town called Creepsaburg, I'm not shitting you!
Another good one who kept considering me a "Favorite" was "Mr. Dreisdale". (Wasn't Mr. Dreisdale a character on the wildly successful TV show, Green Acres or was it The Beverly Hillbilly's?) I was never sure if this guy was calling himself "Mr. Dreisdale" because he was under the misguided notion that emulating a Green Acres/Beverly Hillbilly's-ish persona would help him bag babes, or was he coincidentally blessed (?) with the name Dreisdale and just happened to bear an unfortunate resemblance to someone who could easily have been a secondary character on these shows, hard to say, but it was nothing short of astonishing that someone who claimed to be 39 years old could be so toothless and haggardly, very impressive. Needless to say, I jumped at the chance to help him live out all of his wildest fantasies......NOT!
On a similar hillbilly bent is a fella who regularly pops up at the top of my screen as someone who (much to my delight!) has "viewed my profile" Ahhh, such bliss...This desirable, eligible bachelor advertises himself with a photo in which he is bedecked in a classic pair of old-fashioned, American overalls. I know. That alone is enough to make a girl scream and shout, but get this...he has cut out the main portion of the bib part, in an apparent effort to release his enormous belly from its former restraint. I'm talking about a prominent tummy here, round and shiny with a deep, dark cave of a belly button. Hungry, yet? I guess the fact that he's wielding a Ball jar containing some mystery beverage could explain his interesting wardrobe choice as well as the fact that he was so willing to pose for this utterly unflattering photo. Most of us have a few pics. like that in our dark pasts, but why the hell did he choose that particular picture to best represent himself on a dating website? Jesus!
You know though, the joke will so totally be on me when these losers end up finding their happiness with their perfect match, before I do.
A really GOOD profile picture can have the completely opposite effect on me. Awhile back I kept stumbling across the most dreamy image of a man named E_Smith and I could not stop drooling over his image. I think part of why I liked him so much was because he reminded me of a guy who lives here in my town and on whom I've always had a bit of a crush. Alas, the target of my in-town crush is married, so I keep a lid on it. But E_Smith was available and he had that look, loose hairstyle, dark and thick...bright, twinkling eyes with a devilish glint...pearly white smile, dimples, nice nose and I loved that he was wearing a navy blue, v-neck sweater over a plain white tee...his shoulders were broad. Also, his picture was taken inside of his house, (I assumed) and I liked his decorating style...even the paint color on the walls. He projected an image of relaxed polish and I couldn't put off contacting him, any longer. He politely responding to my e-mail, saying that he really wanted to date closer to where he lived and that I happened to be outside of his geographical dating zone. K, fine, I thanked him for his honesty and continued my search. But E_Smith's ambrosial head shot would pop up every so often and even though he made it pretty clear that he wasn't interested, I just couldn't resist striking up dialog again by asking him if he'd had any luck finding a gal, yet...or something equally as transparent. This went on and on for what seems like forever until I finally broke him down and he agreed to meet me, yippee! I was so excited, I drove to where he lives and waited at the bar which he chose, for at least an hour past the time upon which we'd agreed to meet, hmmm. All the other folks in the bar were so cool. They kept boosting my plummeting spirits by telling me that my date must be too chicken to meet me and what a dumbass he was to blow me off...all very sweet. My blind date as well as online dating in general, was turning into everyone's entertainment for the evening. I went into elaborate detail about my experiences, enthusiastically recounting my most entertaining tales. No matter how much fun I was having with the local barflies though, the reality was that if I didn't admit defeat and retreat soon, I would risk losing what little dignity I still possessed. I was seconds away from hightailin' it outta there, when we all saw a man approach the door and everyone knew instantly that it was E_Smith and I immediately knew that we were not going to be a good match. Bummer! It had nothing to do with being disappointed by his physical looks, honestly - it was his crisp white, button down shirt with some sort of country club insignia on the pocket. He was way too highfalutin for me and he knew it as well as I did. I am too much of a tomboy, roughish around the edges and something of a slob, so much of the time.
I am constantly amazed by people on these sites. If it's not their unbelievable profile pictures then it's the weak words with which they try to woo you. (How was that for little alliteration?) I often come across usernames which make me smile like: Wood4You (could I really be so lucky?) or bedrmeyez (three separate pictures left no doubt that his eyes really were crossed) ydoilooksosexy (I'm like, did someone TELL you that you looked sexy?) theXSpurt, eh hemmm, fowlplay (he was from the country), samboner (need I say more?), and notatroll (that, my friend, is strictly a matter of opinion!) just to name a few.
One of my all-time favorites is a guy who had me on his Favorites list for awhile (Yea!) His user name was "BingoCaller" and in his introduction he said, "I'm a single guy who plays with his balls! All 75 of them, I call bingo at a local organization" Ok, that alone was enough to make me say, hmmmm. But it was his photo that painted the real picture. It was a close-up head shot, taken from the unflattering vantage point of a little below his face and at an angle, effectively emphasizing at least two of his prominent chins. It appeared that he was wearing an orange, prison issue jumpsuit and with the bingo-calling mic. in front of his face, you almost had the feeling that the shot was taken in the midst of a press conference during which he answered questions regarding his recent admission to being America's most recently nabbed serial killer. His beady eyes were obscured by thick glasses and there was a glare which made him look slightly cross-eyed, YUCK! It was nothing short of CREEPY. I think that he was even from a town called Creepsaburg, I'm not shitting you!
Another good one who kept considering me a "Favorite" was "Mr. Dreisdale". (Wasn't Mr. Dreisdale a character on the wildly successful TV show, Green Acres or was it The Beverly Hillbilly's?) I was never sure if this guy was calling himself "Mr. Dreisdale" because he was under the misguided notion that emulating a Green Acres/Beverly Hillbilly's-ish persona would help him bag babes, or was he coincidentally blessed (?) with the name Dreisdale and just happened to bear an unfortunate resemblance to someone who could easily have been a secondary character on these shows, hard to say, but it was nothing short of astonishing that someone who claimed to be 39 years old could be so toothless and haggardly, very impressive. Needless to say, I jumped at the chance to help him live out all of his wildest fantasies......NOT!
On a similar hillbilly bent is a fella who regularly pops up at the top of my screen as someone who (much to my delight!) has "viewed my profile" Ahhh, such bliss...This desirable, eligible bachelor advertises himself with a photo in which he is bedecked in a classic pair of old-fashioned, American overalls. I know. That alone is enough to make a girl scream and shout, but get this...he has cut out the main portion of the bib part, in an apparent effort to release his enormous belly from its former restraint. I'm talking about a prominent tummy here, round and shiny with a deep, dark cave of a belly button. Hungry, yet? I guess the fact that he's wielding a Ball jar containing some mystery beverage could explain his interesting wardrobe choice as well as the fact that he was so willing to pose for this utterly unflattering photo. Most of us have a few pics. like that in our dark pasts, but why the hell did he choose that particular picture to best represent himself on a dating website? Jesus!
You know though, the joke will so totally be on me when these losers end up finding their happiness with their perfect match, before I do.
A really GOOD profile picture can have the completely opposite effect on me. Awhile back I kept stumbling across the most dreamy image of a man named E_Smith and I could not stop drooling over his image. I think part of why I liked him so much was because he reminded me of a guy who lives here in my town and on whom I've always had a bit of a crush. Alas, the target of my in-town crush is married, so I keep a lid on it. But E_Smith was available and he had that look, loose hairstyle, dark and thick...bright, twinkling eyes with a devilish glint...pearly white smile, dimples, nice nose and I loved that he was wearing a navy blue, v-neck sweater over a plain white tee...his shoulders were broad. Also, his picture was taken inside of his house, (I assumed) and I liked his decorating style...even the paint color on the walls. He projected an image of relaxed polish and I couldn't put off contacting him, any longer. He politely responding to my e-mail, saying that he really wanted to date closer to where he lived and that I happened to be outside of his geographical dating zone. K, fine, I thanked him for his honesty and continued my search. But E_Smith's ambrosial head shot would pop up every so often and even though he made it pretty clear that he wasn't interested, I just couldn't resist striking up dialog again by asking him if he'd had any luck finding a gal, yet...or something equally as transparent. This went on and on for what seems like forever until I finally broke him down and he agreed to meet me, yippee! I was so excited, I drove to where he lives and waited at the bar which he chose, for at least an hour past the time upon which we'd agreed to meet, hmmm. All the other folks in the bar were so cool. They kept boosting my plummeting spirits by telling me that my date must be too chicken to meet me and what a dumbass he was to blow me off...all very sweet. My blind date as well as online dating in general, was turning into everyone's entertainment for the evening. I went into elaborate detail about my experiences, enthusiastically recounting my most entertaining tales. No matter how much fun I was having with the local barflies though, the reality was that if I didn't admit defeat and retreat soon, I would risk losing what little dignity I still possessed. I was seconds away from hightailin' it outta there, when we all saw a man approach the door and everyone knew instantly that it was E_Smith and I immediately knew that we were not going to be a good match. Bummer! It had nothing to do with being disappointed by his physical looks, honestly - it was his crisp white, button down shirt with some sort of country club insignia on the pocket. He was way too highfalutin for me and he knew it as well as I did. I am too much of a tomboy, roughish around the edges and something of a slob, so much of the time.
We did have fun on our date, honestly - being at that bar was the best part. It was a neighborhood dive which is my kind of venue, and they was a vast collection of board games and stuff: Operation, Jenga, foosball...and E_Smith and I played them all! So, in that regard the date wasn't a total loss, we did have a good time. But I guess, most important of all - I was finally able to get E_Smith off of my mind, for good.
Ah yes...another one scratched off the list.
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