The Big Ugly Blog is an honest and uncensored collection of anecdotes recounting the madcap shenanigans of a perpetually 39 year old divorcee, as she wades through the mire of the murky online dating pool - ravenously searching (evidently in vain) for the man of her dreams...Keep On Dreaming, Baby!


Friday, August 8, 2008

Ho Hum...NOT!

Ok, so by Friday night, I was overwhelmed by ennui due to my dull online dating doldrums. I'll be honest, I was so bored, I actually watched the Opening Ceremony for the Olympics. I NEVER turn on the T.V., well...almost never! But this week, not a soul had really caused my ears to prick. I mean aside from my date with Alan, which led to absolutely nothing, the whole week had crept along at a snail's pace, and it definitely wasn't from a lack of correspondence. I'd received and answered a ton of e-mails and I'd been talking to some fairly respectable prospects, but I hadn't met anyone so spectacular that I was falling all over myself to go out and meet them in person. I began to wonder if I was simply becoming disenchanted with the whole fucking online dating business, altogether.

By Friday evening I would have to say that my favorite guy out of this mediocre bunch, was the tall, toned Italian cop, a little younger than I'd prefer, but he's got the nose, that angular, strong nose that I love! I like the way that he writes, he makes very few mistakes (maybe he's smart!), and he's pretty brass tacks about wanting to know how I like my sex, as well as more than willing to divulge his own personal style of love-making (no shrinking violet, he!) He told me that he likes it rough, and asked if I had a problem having my hair pulled, to which I replied, "No"...and I assured him that in the bedroom I tend to be a follower, not a leader...I like to be bossed around. We sent a few somewhat, but not too revealing photos of ourselves, ensuring that we were seeing up-to-date and accurate images of each other. We toyed with the idea of getting together, Friday night. But you know what? A date with the Italian had all the makings of the classic booty call, and I really just didn't feel like being a piece of meat right then, so I kinda hoped that we'd both completely lose the momentum to plan a date. Next there was the shortish, Greek guy who has these sort of sleepy eyes, I couldn't decide if he was really cute, or not. Oh, and surprise, surprise - he's way too young for me! He really did come across as a gentleman however, offering to take me to dinner at one of the nicer resturants in my town (saving me the hassle of having to drive far out of town, also rawther considerate!) but I've been kind of avoiding him, because I'm not totally convinced that this one is worth the effort, either - but for the exact opposite reason than the Italian. The Greek guy seems too nice, where the Italian is borderline frightening (I tend to gravitate towards the Danger Boys, heh, heh!) and besides...they're both TOO GODDAMNED YOUNG! Then there was the goofy video guy (not the other one from Maryland) this one looked kind of like the guy who's married to Tricia Yearwood, oh what the heck's his name, Mel, Mitch...something oh what is it? Anyway, he's kind of sandwiched in between the two Mediterranean guys, he seems funny and fun-loving, but borders on being overzealous and overly-excited - which I find to be a bit off-putting. He is the right age though, and I doubt that I'd have to fend him off physically, if we went on a date - he just came across as too submissive or something. All of these guys were totally fine, but I was hoping for a bit more. Despite my discouraging batting average, I became diligent in my efforts, (after zoning out on some T.V. for awhile) to find someone who might rock my world, and at precisely 11 p.m., I did just that...Score! A direct hit! I had came across this gorgeous hunk who had peeked at my profile, so I immediately took a gander at his. Did I mention that he was GORGEOUS? And he definitely possessed the danger element, he had bad boy written all over him. I immediately sent him an e-mail, then he sent one to me, then he IM'd me, then we moved over to Yahoo and then we turned on the webcams. He was REALLY GORGEOUS, and confident, and complimentary, and it was feeling like there was a genuine connection, a sincere mutual interest in each other, no shit! He was definitely the kind of guy I've been looking for, athletic (he's played pro. soccer) great face and bod., cool. But as much as I wanted to believe that this man, Dean, could be just the panacea I'd been seeking for my dating curse - there were glaring complications...Dean lives with his wife (strike 1), in Cincinnati (strike 2) And it did cross my mind that he could possibly know Mark. (strike 3?) Maybe since Mark was so done with me, he had selflessly donated his (not so) sloppy seconds to a good buddy, thinking, "Good riddance!". I asked some vague-ish questions (can't even remember what they were now), but following my inquiries and Dean's answers, I deduced that the Mark and Dean did NOT, in fact, know each other! Ok, so just two strikes. Anyway, before I knew it - it was 1 a.m., and Dean still hadn't made any overly-suggestive comments. Was it possible that this guy actually did like me, plain and simple? At the time it didn't even seem that far-fetched, we had an incredibly facile rapport with one another, and I was certain that I was liking him, as well. Anyway, the instant I told him my alarm was set for 5 :15 a.m. and that I must shuffle off to dreamland, THAT'S when Dean made it known that he had a raging hard-on and wondered if I wanted him to go all the way on the camera for me? My heart sank. I had been so believing that he might be genuinely digging me as he had emphatically expressed, you know like how blown away he was to have met someone like me, that this was just too weird because we'd both happened upon the type of person for which we'd each been searching, fruitlessly up til this point, and we kept randomly typing in the same questions and comments to each other simultaneously and practically verbatim, it was a little freaky. After he revealed that he wanted to take our impromptu, online "date" to that next level, I couldn't help but feel like a chump. I guess he really had just wanted to get off the whole time, but only admitted it when I was on the brink of pulling the plug on our convo.. This was becoming all too reminiscent of my deal with Mark. Now look, when I feel a deep connection with someone, I try to parlay that energy into a viable relationship, even if the logistics render it difficult or even doomed. I've been known to be unrealistically optimistic in relationships, the more forbidding the challenge, the more determined I am to make it work. Sometimes it does work, other times it tragically nose-dives. In a perfect world I would meet a man with whom I share uncanny, physical electricity, we'll get to know each other a little bit, and then have sex, even if it is unconventional, at first. Ultimately, he will become my devoted, forever lover. Reaching this goal provides the impetus behind why I am actually subjecting myself to all of this nonsense. Yes, I sometimes get distracted and do dumb shit, but it wasn't that way with Mark - I actually liked him, and no matter how grim our situation appeared to be logistically, I always devoured the time that we spent "together" (albeit unorthodox most times), and held onto sanguine expectations that we would someday meet in person, and fall completely, and madly in love. The guys on these dating sites, however, appear to be nothing more than sexual predators. Mark is a perfect example since he has recently made it crystal clear to me that he never experienced any emotion for or with me. Must've been all about the "sex", neat-o. I couldn't rebut the notion that this was precisely Dean's m.o., as well; butter 'em up with sweet talk and compliments, and then have your way with them or FOR them, as the case may be. Suddenly I rationalized that I could desensitize myself to this degrading conduct and utilize it for sheer physical pleasure, minus all the emotional garbage. Since Mark was completely out of the picture, maybe Dean could become my new webcam buddy (what is it with those Ohio boys, anyway?) Hey, if they give you lemons, you make lemonade, right? I subjected myself to his desire to have me watch him get himself to that happiest of happy places on the webcam, but I resisted actively participating, and he was cool with that. He simply asked if I would look directly into the camera for him, which I did, fully clothed in a dingy, old tee and a nubby brown fleece. I'm not gonna lie to you, I was insanely turned on! He stood up and let me see him but went out of view just as he climaxed. He was cute cuz he seemed really confused and kinda out of sorts, immediately following the deed (does that to me, too!) He apologized, but felt he needed to end our visit, posthaste, I spose my work there was done. After promising to call the next day, (uhhh, yeah) he said goodnight and signed off of his computer...

I was absolutely floored when I discovered that Dean had already tried to reach me through IM, early the next day. I will be curious to see if this little interlude winds up to be the first of many, and even more curious to see if what I got on our first "date", is pretty much all that I'll ever get.

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