The Big Ugly Blog is an honest and uncensored collection of anecdotes recounting the madcap shenanigans of a perpetually 39 year old divorcee, as she wades through the mire of the murky online dating pool - ravenously searching (evidently in vain) for the man of her dreams...Keep On Dreaming, Baby!


Friday, July 11, 2008

Happy to be distracted

Howdy! Today, I am so happy that I am just that teeny bit distracted enough from my obsession with checking the dating websites on which I post profiles, to write here, again. You don't understand...since I first began tinkering with this online dating caper, I have done little else each time I've sat down in front of my computer. I am manic about checking for messages from new men and guys with whom I've already been in contact as well as scoping out fellas whose profiles have piqued my curiosity. Generally I wait to see who gets in touch with me first, and if they look interesting or appear remotely handsome I check them out as well. It may be that they haven't even written to me yet, I simply caught them beepin at my profile. Maybe they're too shy to talk to me at first or maybe once they've learned a little more about me and the fact that I have 4 kids they reconsider cuz now, suddenly, I'm not nearly so attractive. No matter! If they're lookin good to me, I make my move. And if we discover there is a mutual interest in getting to know one another better, I am always compelled to act on an overwhelming urgency to speed up the whole process of meeting face to face. It's just so much better to find out, early on, if there is that magical attraction...or not. Why waste a bunch of time chit chattin online when what we really need to find out in order to potentially proceed, is if there is that critical CHEMISTRY. I know it's cliche but damned if it isn't essential. It takes me about 10 seconds to figure out if we've got it, or not. Sometimes there is a magnetic connection online which never manifests itself in person because of any number of infractions incurred by the individual in question, such as, maybe they wore dingy white socks with sandals and they are well, fat, when they fraudulently stated on their profile that they possessed an "athletic" build, HA! Other times they may be terrifically good-looking and well-turned out, but for whatever reason I find myself completely incapable of conjuring up any electricity. So far, there has only been one guy out of the droves that I have test-driven, who has possessed both elements, the whole package; really attractive and cool, and able to make the hair stand up on the back of my neck by merely placing his hand on my lower back while escorting me to the car, jesus christ - that is my absolute favorite! I am a total sucker for that sensation! l let my body get the better of me and all I can think is "I know we just met, but would it be bad if we fucked right here, right now? Wonder if he would think me a total tramp...hmmmm..." I am getting better about exhibiting a little composure, in my old age because I am (miraculously) just now starting to comprehend that fucking a guy within the first few minutes of making each other's acquaintance (or even on the first few dates, duh!) doesn't exactly lend itself to building the foundation of a relationship with staying power. Plus there is definitely something to be said about building up a little tension, wink wink, nudge nudge!

Anyway, Man I got off the track! What I wanted to talk about today, is the fact that I am currently talking to a man who has me more distracted than usual from my obsession with constantly feeling the need to stockpile so many, many men and build up my reserve because, the "boy du jour" will inevitably fall by the wayside, just as they all have. I know the chances of this one working out are about as good as my track record to date, but for some unknown reason, just talking with him and thinking about him has curbed my affliction. I am not running up to my computer every 15 min. eager to see which current interests are seeking me out, or hoping to make a new connection, I am only really looking to see if HE has sent me a note or if he read the last one I sent to him. One of the things that is so thrilling about communicating with Thierry is the fact that he is French and we have been sending e-mails to each other written in French, do you even understand how romantic and sexy that is, to me? I haven't been conversant in French for 20 years and I know he is probably struggling to decipher my rusty attempts at communicating with him in his native tongue, but I definitely understand HIS messages and to simply see what he writes about how much he loves summer or the yardwork that he did that day or his children, gets me terribly hot and bothered! He has never said anything blatantly forward or sexual in nature, which is au contraire de most of the perverts with whom I chat, fo' shizzle! And yet I am still hatching a bunch of butterflies in my tummy each time we speak about these innocent, innocuous topics, it is nothing short of delightful! Now here's the clincher, and my friends who are privy to all of my dating forays and inevitable aftermath, would tell you that I say this each and every time some new guy on the horizon gets me all worked up into a lather. My best buds would say that whenever I am about to embark on the next step of finally meeting in person, I tell them that this one feels "right", and that surely he must be "the one", blah, blah, blah. I don't really believe that I do that because usually I protect myself by keeping my expectations LOW, in an attempt to soften the blow of disappointment which I have come to expect. So, bottom line is this, I am meeting Thierry tomorrow, for coffee in the morning and perhaps wine at a vineyard, for lunch. I will know immediately if I have been accurate in my fantasy about things having potential between us. And I will definitely let you know what happens. Keep your fingers crossed, k?

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