The Big Ugly Blog is an honest and uncensored collection of anecdotes recounting the madcap shenanigans of a perpetually 39 year old divorcee, as she wades through the mire of the murky online dating pool - ravenously searching (evidently in vain) for the man of her dreams...Keep On Dreaming, Baby!


Saturday, November 15, 2008

Cautiously Optimistic

You know what I just realized? I never told you about my date with Reid. I must have been too busy dwelling on smut to think to delve into something bordering on salubrious...surprise, surprise...Reid and I got together last Monday night, over a week ago already, jeez! I drove to where he lives and as soon as he invited me inside his house, I was instantly comfortable and felt right at home. We set about to mixin' some cocktails after he took a lint-roller over my entire sweater, evidently my down jacket was leaking feathers, whoops. Reid has the most amazing stuff, like no one else that I know; thousands of cd's and dvd's, 30 electric guitars plus recording equipment and other musical instruments, a pristine, old Chevelle and these salt water fish tanks which are like microcosms of the actual sea floor - they totally blew my mind...I could not stop looking at them. And he loves plants, like I do, but his collection was remarkable - exotic and unfamiliar varieties trailing and winding themselves all over the place. He was neat and polite and made me a most delicious steak on the grill, and we talked nonstop about so many things that we barely ever finished one subject before jumping on to the next. So it was no surprise that he was exactly the way he describes himself and appears on his profile. From what I've gathered, he's just a real stand-up guy. Adding to his credentials, is the fact that he is the only man with whom I've maintained a reasonably long correspondence, who has not made one single sexual overture, which says a lot about his integrity not to mention his manners, if you ask me. It really was great fun to hang out with him and I can only explain why I didn't jump at the chance for romance with Reid by comparing our deal to a tricky situation I went through with my bff, awhile back. About 3 years ago, Frances was dating Russ, kind of a loose cannon, archetypal bad boy, and at some point during their relationship he began to put gradually more and more pressure on Frances, my very best friend mind you, to petition me to join them in their bedroom. She never did officially invite me to assist in seeing Russ' Utopian threesome come to fruition, but she did tell me of his growing fixation with the idea. I was dead-set against it...because first of all, by this point I was already starting to see Russ for the complete asshole that he actually was, second - I had never been with a woman nor dabbled in three-ways (not that I'm opposed to trying it someday) and third, I wouldn't dare consider dipping even so much as my big toe in what I theorized would be emotionally turbulent waters, for the first time ever with my very best friend and her boyfriend, are you shitting me? I could barely think of a more decisive way to test the strength of Frances' and my friendship and to potentially gamble and lose. We both agreed that there was little chance that anything good could come out of it, aside from her boyfriend getting his ya-ya's. So we just stopped dwelling on it and the idea eventually faded away, along with their relationship. I feel kind of the same way about taking my friendship with Reid to the next level, I feel like there is too much genuine good between us to risk chucking it all, by throwing sex into the mix. It certainly didn't help, that preceding my "date" with Reid, I had reconnected with Mark and my amorous juices were swiftly flowing in his direction simultaneous to Reid and I meeting in person, for the very first time. Reid's dignified reserve and positive outlook told of an enlightened soul and I felt lucky to have made his acquaintance. I left his house with an almost unheard of concept running through my head; even though I did not think it prudent to enter a courtship with him, Reid was definitely someone with whom I'd like to spend more time...

Next, I guess I have to come up off what transpired on my long-overdue date with the Soldier Boy. All we go...Jack and I met at my favorite neighborhood pub (yep that's the one, the same respectable establishment that I've tarnished with many a damned first, and only, date) I stepped out of my cute, little car and lurched a little when I heard Jack's subdued, "Hey". I was engrossed in trying to figure out how to text him on my new phone at that moment, so he really kind of startled me. Besides, you guys know how nervous I was to meet him already, I blew off three tentative dates before actually going through with this one, remember? And without ample time to prepare to be this close to him this soon, my body nearly convulsed with anxiety-induced tremors. I tottered over to greet him and not surprisingly, I liked him right away. We hugged hello. He was incredibly cute, with a boyish face and a nice masculine build and he wasn't the least bit scary...okee dokee, so...maybe we would be just fine, huh? All that aside, I was still shaking like mad. We went inside, grabbed some drinks and a seat by the fireplace and began a running dialog critiquing the other patrons and analyzing their scenarios, it was fun and light. Each time I leaned over towards him a bit, to whisper some snide jab about one of the customers, there was that static electricity, making my hair stand at attention and a causing a noticeable rise in the temperature, that shit is for real! We each plowed through our first drink and debated whether to order another or blow that pop stand. As much as I wanted to get on outta there, I felt like we had to hold off for at least one more drink (some kind of unwritten dating etiquette, I guess) though it was quite obvious that we were both growing impatient with delaying heading over to my place. I was undeniably attracted to him, he did nothing that even remotely annoyed me and I could find no fault at all with his looks, clothing included. I particularly liked his mouth, his smile a little lopsided and his dark they were just a scad lighter than black, hypnotic. Our second round of drinks was demolished within minutes so we hurriedly settled up with the barkeep and interrupted discussing our next plan of action on the way back to our cars with a how-do-you-do kiss in the parking lot, mercy mercy about magnetism, fucking hell!

There's probably no need to mince words here, you all know what happened. Yes - Soldier Boy Jack and I did the deed, several times and Yes - it was very good...well, except for the fact that my dogs couldn't stand being evicted from their usual post in my bed so they sat outside the bedroom door holding vigil and shouting at regular intervals that they really were ready for us to let them in. It was a tad disruptive and hindered necessary concentration, so we broke down and let them in the room...and the bed, which did absolutely nothing to rectify the situation. Now we had to deal with limited space in the bed and random, surprise licks in the face. Poor Jack, he did a good job of glossing over their annoying behavior, but I knew he was terribly frustrated with their meddling. We did manage to tune them out enough to seal the deal (repeatedly) and I tucked Jack in and all four of us tried to stake claim to our own teeny portion of the bed. Something you have to undersatnd, is that I have not shared my bed with a man in eons, and my snuggly, little doggies have been more than happy to fill the vacant space. Here's what we look like at night, all three sleeping together: % I am the long line in the middle, catty corner across the bed, my dogs are the two dots: Gwennie burrows deep down under the covers to the foot of the bed and LuLu rams herself up against my head near the pillow. We are touching, all night long and I love it, keeps me warm and cozy! But throw another human into the mix and things get slightly more problematic. It's hard to spoon with two dogs hogging critical space between you and your sweetie and if you so much as touch the pups, Gwennie growls and snarls ferociously and LuLu mistakes it for affection and reflexively shows her appreciation with a barrage of kisses, this is not for everyone. Jack was polite about getting virtually no sleep, but I could tell he couldn't wait to get back to his own bed and sleep for real, in complete isolation, poor thing. I figured he might be in less of a hurry next time, to hoof it 1 1/2 hours across hill and dale to forfeit his beauty sleep for a couple of hours of good sex, he might not have any interest in doing it ever again.

Jack texted me the next day to say that he'd had a nice time and that we'd talk soon...I wondered if my former allure was no longer whetting his curiosity...I'll be honest, I kind of felt like I had gotten my fascination with him out of my system. I think that would explain why it was no effort at all for me to scamper off to investigate my next exciting lead...Enter Sam, Sam-u-el three syllables, and you know I'm all about "3"...Sam is my consolation prize from Bethesda. I've mentioned him before, long, long ago, as having offered much-needed solace from some flash-in-the-pan fling which promptly nose-dived, way back then. Sam and I have maintained a unique online dating-induced correspondence, since we first bumped into each other this past June on one of my favorite dating sites. I think I made the initial contact, unusual for me but he was sarcastically witty and intelligent and dazzlingly handsome, I found him delectable. I didn't actually expect to hear back from him, his profile says that he is only 28 (he tells me that he is actually 33, and that the site wouldn't let him un-do the age he originally input) and in each of his pics. he had his arms around two different girls, so he didn't appear to be hurtin' for attention from the opposite sex. But he did respond and so began an ongoing round of tongue-in-cheek bantering, lots of needling and ribbing, but all in good fun. After graduating to phone chat, we hatched a plan in which he would make a quick detour to my house on his way out to the mid-west for a 2 week summer vacation. There was no awkwardness the day he parked in my driveway and got out to visit for awhile, we just played and goofed, and I liked him very much. He made me laugh and his face was beyond pleasing, large almost sad eyes, perfect angular nose, straight with cartillage right to the end, and a dreamy smile, bright and genuine and constant. He was tall and of an athletic build, nice! He's sculpted like a marble statue of some mythological character, all creamy white and smooth, virtually no body hair, naturally. At some point during our brief first visit, he scooped me right up into his arms, "across the threshold" style and apologized but said that he couldn't help it, he just had to grab me up because I was so tiny and cute, LOVE that! No one has ever done anything like that to me was the absolute best - so spontaneous - demonstrating that he was playfully impulsive. That first day, he really couldn't stay long, so after a good lunch and non-stop chatter I sent him on his way with an impassioned kiss which I hoped would keep me on his mind for the duration of his trip.

Sam and I texted sporadically, while he was away but by the time he was back home, again, we had faded into near oblivion. Every month or two, Sam would check in with me to see if I might be available to get together, but since he usually gave me no lead time, I consistently declined his invitation to get together. In most instances I either already had plans or my kids were with me or I simply said "No" out of principal, it felt almost rude that he had waited til the absolute last minute to ask and expected me to drop everything, for his highness. I consistently gave him no end of sardonic grief about his rudeness, since I got the distinct feeling that he only called me after having spent the weekend looking in vain for a honey. Suspiciously, he only called me on Sunday evenings, hmmm...His most recent Sunday night call, came about two weeks ago, directly following my deletion of his number from my cell (during my "housecleaning" phase) I did not recognize the number as his text came in, but I knew it was Sam almost immediately after reading whatever smart-alecky thing he had sent, and of course, his sassy charm won me over again. This time, he seemed to have a little more gumption, like he was determined to plan a date, anytime, not just on a Sunday night. I told him I'd believe it when I saw it and that's when he changed it up and called me last Saturday morning, right after Soldier Boy Jack kissed me goodbye. Sam came out the next day, Sunday - and we immediately jumped into my little car to stop in at a book-signing, my very first book-signing, as a matter of fact. Nah, it's not really that big of a deal, just a book about Clarke County artists in which one of my animal portraits had been selected to appear. He was such a sport, he dove right into the event, buying his own copy of the book and getting as many artists to sign it as he possibly could, not to mention schmoozing with the Mayor. My god! I'VE never talked to the mayor. We milled around doing our own thing, but were pulled into each other's orbit, regularly to check in and canoodle a bit. I loved that he was not clingy but he was always quick to show respectable affection each time he was near me.

After a yummy meal at my house, we raced through more small talk and then Sam and Isobel... made love, for real...Lights on, dogs in the fray, and for some inexplicable reason - it all just worked, and was dramatically different from the sex for which I've been settling.

I'm not really sure what it is that I expect to happen with Sam. Nowadays, I am way more adept at keeping my emotions in check, and it feels like I have a slightly better footing, regarding men. But I notice myself putting the breaks on trying to meet new guys and I honestly do like a lot about him, so far, he's the pick of the litter. He's been good about staying in touch, calling when he feels the urge or simply texting or e-mailing some silly remark, and I respond appropriately. And it's encouraging that he seems unmotivated to play those stupid games that boys feel they must play, in order to keep us girls at bay, or preserve their independence, or whatever - I dunno why they do it. But for right now, this very instant, whatever Sam is doing, is surely workin' for me.

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