The Big Ugly Blog is an honest and uncensored collection of anecdotes recounting the madcap shenanigans of a perpetually 39 year old divorcee, as she wades through the mire of the murky online dating pool - ravenously searching (evidently in vain) for the man of her dreams...Keep On Dreaming, Baby!


Tuesday, October 7, 2008

The Big Three

Beau and I exchanged e-mail addresses that first fun night we accidentally met and we shot each other a couple of surprisingly longwinded and informative e-mails up 'til and into the weekend which led to a tentative plan to talk on Sunday at which time we might possibly meet for a drink. We did text on Sunday but it was evident that the novelty of our unique happenstance and the potential for friendship plus, was beginning to wane. And by Monday morning it was glaringly apparent that we had officially fizzled. I was disappointed that we had lost our steam but it didn't have anything to do with Beau on a personal level, or anything like that, I think I was bummed because Jordan and I had built the idea up in our minds that it would be the strangest turn of events if after all of this online dating, I wound up meeting the man of my dreams because I simply dialed a wrong number. But, consistent with all of my other dating failures, this was nothing more than a flash in the pan, providing about 48 hours worth of excitement and a minor distraction from my online dating doldrums.

In firmly establishing myself as an inveterate online dating LOSER, I believe that I have become a much more resilient gal, which is a good thing I guess. Lately I kinda just limp along through this virtual dating minefield, unfazed by an emotional disconnect and ironclad in my uncharacteristically apathetic coping mechanisms. Nothing gets me fired up in either direction anymore. Sucks! Anyway, after things flopped with Beau, I wasted no time in getting right back on that internet dating bicycle, completely out of reflex, and definitely NOT because of deluded optimism that something good will ever actually come of all of my mysteriously unwavering effort. I wonder what it will take for me to become enthusiastic about participating in all this nonsense again. I am so blahh! Shortly after diving back into the online dating pool, almost at once I was contacted by three new guys who are all strangely similar to each other in their stats... They're attractive but not too perfect looking, they are responsible men all gainfully employed, all three live roughly 30 miles away from me, perfect, and they are all appropriate ages. And even though conversation with each one is interesting enough individually, I find myself answering their e-mails, almost identically, sometimes it takes me a minute to inventory messages received and sent in order to avoid sending duplicate notes, I'm like, "Wait, did I write to him again, already?" At the same time I was making the acquaintance of the Big Three, I was contacted by a young guy with a smokin' hot bod who I'd talked to a bit, before, but who I let slip through the cracks because of distance between us in geography and age. He wrote wondering if I'd forgotten about him and kicked off a vigorous campaign to have me meet him in the very near future. I told him I didn't see the point but he refused to give up, citing an inability to let me "get away", hmmm...It was silly to even remotely entertain the notion of getting together with him, but I was flattered by his tenacity and we decided to meet somewhere in the middle of our two towns, this upcoming Tuesday night. He chose the town after hunting around on mapquest and, admitting that I knew nothing about the place, I asked him if he recommended any particular destination. Don't you know that he absolutely wowed me with the brilliant, well-thought out, wildly romantic plan that he hatched...He suggested that we take the first exit off the highway and get a room, ho ho! The really funny part was that he was completely serious, huh...don't know why didn't I think of it? Tempting as his offer was, I told him that I had no interest in a booty call but thanks anyway and he retorted, "What? No booty call? But I wanna touch you, smell you..." I was like, "DELETE!" You know, I'm just so over the whole MILF thing, I mean I totally get it, we old girls are definitely righteous, but that doesn't mean it's our duty to babysit all of these horny young bucks, jesus! I had a 21 yr. old write to me the other day and all he said in his e-mail was, "Do you know what a MILF is?" Duh! I answered, "Do you know what a cougar is?" not so much to perpetuate conversation with him, but more to let him know that us old gals can play predator too, if we want. I guess I effectively scared him off because I never heard from him again, oh shucks. But back to the Big Three...The first guy, Steve, is ten years older than I am and I know that that can work for me because I happily (until the end, of course) dated a guy, ten yrs. my senior, for 18 mos. not long ago. I made a colossal error in judgement by dumping him for Jimmy (ten yrs. my junior). I remember, at the time, a good friend of mine, several years older and infinitely wiser than I am, saying, "It's always better to be an old guy's queen than a young man's slave" I shrugged it off back then but in hindsight, her advisory comment resounds with eagle eye precision. Anyway, Steve is physically active and his pictures reveal a physique to prove it, he's got a sexy, deep voice of which he genuinely seems oblivious, and we share a fascination with cars. Trouble is, his dream car is some souped up, high-performance Corvette, ugh. I don't know what it is, but for me there is something intrinsically off-putting about a guy who loves his Harley, his Corvette, or wears an excessive amount of jewelry. As far as I'm concerned, it's grounds for dismissal. But there are good things about Steve that redeem him and keep me curious enough to stay in touch; his good job is somewhat art-based, he had a slightly more refined air about him than the guys I've met who are in love with Corvettes and he is the primary care-giver of his two children, I think that says a lot about a fella! Next is John, tall with an athletic body and a shaved bald head and a goatee, sporting a great-looking crisp blue, polished cotton dress shirt in his profile photo. He is the one who makes it the most fun to write back and forth because he is always asking a ton of questions as well as taking the time to address whatever unusual or nosey topics I bring up. I'm not fully stoked about his taste in music, he takes a shine to heavy metal and glam rock bands, not necessarily my cup-o-tea, but at least he does care about music. And finally there's little Chris, "little" because he's only 5'5'' (you all know how well short worked for me the last time) but I literally just got really excited because I made a surprise discovery while filling Frances in on all of his details- a new picture on his profile - and I suddenly can't think of anything bad to say about him, he's definitely got a nice body and looks like he knows how to party, he's CUTE - giddyfrickinup! Chris and I, just 20 minutes ago, firmed up plans to meet at one of my favorite haunts for drinks and grub...TONIGHT! Ok, this seems as good a place as any, to sew up this entry. I'm gonna go shower and make myself beautiful and I'll let you know later, how things went, don't wait up for me!

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