Holding Pattern...Be Gone!

So, yesterday - I had to suck it up and spend the better part of a gorgeous Sunday, mowing my back 3 acres...yee-fuckin'-haw...I usually cut that parcel of my land - for the first time each year - in early May, before the grass and weeds get so thick and tall that they become virtually impossible to tackle. But for various reasons, this Spring has been the epitome of a clusterfuck (not to mention we've had a boatload of rain) and so already mid-June, and the field still not mown...I could no longer put off bushwhacking what I was certain would resemble a goddamn rain forest, by now.

Naturally, I procrastinated by fooling around a bit online in the early morning, but I finally dragged my lazy ass away from my trusty ole Mac, to go outside and survey the dense, lush, and way overgrown back end of my property. It was far worse than what I'd pictured (shit) and I was prepared for the normally time-consuming task at hand, to take many more hours than usual to complete.

On the positive side though, I planned on making good use of the hours of solitude and idle time, by mapping out this long overdue blog entry...Unfortunately however, that did not wind up to be the case. No matter how hard I tried to get my creative juices flowing, the only thing that went through my vacuous mind, was a continuous loop of the lyrics to a Duffy song that I'd shared on Twitter, earlier in the day...

I don't know why I've been dragging my feet so, in getting my thoughts in order for this effing post. Could have something to do with overlooking the handful of cheery bits, and obsessing over the disappointing near-misses of late...and frankly, I'd rather not waste your time whining about things like: spending the entire childless 5 days surrounding Memorial Day - completely alone...like some loony fucking shut-in...pouting because all of my little playmates were out of town or doing other things...my only plans for that dreadfully long holiday weekend - falling through, when the phenomenally good-looking 30-something lawyer from the big city (the one who sent my all-time fave naughty pic....the close-up cum-shot, remember?) bailed at the eleventh hour...his flimsy excuse for needing to do so, arriving after I'd showered and dressed and sat around waiting to hear from him - for over FIVE FUCKING HOURS!...Yeah, better not bore you with all that...

I did manage to make a few new connections online and was hopeful that after Skyping with the rawther impressive, "Footlong" I would score a real live date with him for this past weekend. But evidently, "getting off" on the webcam, was all that dear Footlong was after. He and that ginormous johnson* of his have been conspicuously missing ever since...*humph*

*definition of "ginormous johnson": even with both hands wrapped around his remarkable schlong, several healthy inches towered above the top fist...woah...

Thing of it is though, that despite all of my belly-achin' - I actually have enjoyed a few fun-filled flings recently. So why is it then, that I'm not terribly inclined to feature them here in the blog...I mean sure, I could prattle on and on about my snap decision to meet "Perfect Teeth", the charming, young entrepreneur with the fetching smile and the most vivid blue eyes imaginable. I could go on to say that I let him seduce me back at his high-rise apartment...in the middle of the afternoon...after a tasty lunch and several stiff drinks...But I'm not gonna do that! Cuz the story lacks grit and originality and is devoid of any sort of amusing, surprise ending.

Also at this juncture - I now have three rousing episodes with My Marine, under my belt. But because he's made it very clear that he'd like to stay under the radar and because I like him so well, I don't feel the need to divulge every intimate detail of our most recent rambunctious rendezvous(es?) Plus, it's not exactly front-page news that after my last play date with My Marine (this past Friday night) one set of my cheeks bore the most lovely, pink blush...while the others - so cramped and fatigued - made smiling up at him to acknowledge his obvious approval...more difficult than you might ever think...

Oh, and for those of my Facebook "friends" who delighted in morosely suggesting that My Marine might be the type of villainous scalawag to have his way with me and then bury my spent corpse in some remote location...I am happy to report (not that you care) that I weathered his last visit very well...(all things considered). Aside from issuing unavoidable wear and tear on my decrepit old body, My Marine would never (intentionally) hurt me...and the only thing he buried...was his bone...

I'm in no way insinuating that Perfect Teeth and My Marine aren't blog-worthy, in the traditional sense. I think it's more that there's nothing so ridiculously over-the-top about my forays with either one of them to warrant rehashing our time together (well that, and the fact that there are some things that even I won't dare mention) So, instead of exploiting these two stellar men as mere filler for the blog (and to avoid falling victim to the T.M.I. syndrome) I'm keeping mostly mum on their behalf.

But hey, before you guys write me off as some sort of overindulgent online dating junkie, incapable of being satisfied with a fairly active dating life, or even content with dutifully writing about the in's and out's of getting laid and all that - don't give up on me, just yet...

In saving my breath until I can expound upon something truly momentous, I've alleviated my initial frustration over having only pablum to publish right now...and in the interest of not lapsing too long between entries, I've been more motivated than ever, to sniff out and follow at least one exceptionally propitious lead...

Fingers crossed, that the fates will decide to smile upon me (and also that I haven't jinxed myself by cryptically mentioning any of this beforehand) Cuz the thing of it is - if all goes as planned - by Tuesday night? I may have found precisely the "thing", with which to get those creative juices flowing...